When I'm sitting down and trying to concentrate on anything, it seems my mind has another motive. Focusing is not it's interest. At all. It likes to wonder off and create things and I never stay on the same goal or topic. Then my thoughts become absolute chaos. I get very aggravated and want to give up on whatever the task at hand is. Concentration can be a very exhausting thing. Ooh, this text looks fun as I type. (YEESH!) I've been concentrating on the wrong things it seems. Too busy concentrating on myself and things I can do to be a better person or lack of a better term, a "better christian".
Slowly, I started to think about how sinful I had been and things I had done that were sinful. (Face it people, we are sinful in nature there is no escaping our flesh.) I thought about all of my past mistakes, and started feeling lonely and exhausted from these thoughts. I thought of how horrible of a person I AM. Undeserving of God's love and grace. I would just concentrate on these thoughts over and over again. Especially now, Where I am in a ministry. I thought, I need to contain this image of perfection. I was chasing this better version of me and then it struck me. I was concentrating on myself. I was concentrating on how I could make myself better... Me, I, Myself. I am suppose to be a servant of God, not for myself. I don't change me, God changes me. I realized the more I was concentrating on myself the more I wasn't letting God do anything.
Two people cannot drive the same car at the same time. Especially when The driver is blind with no Idea how to get to the destination. It made me think of Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Wow, there it was in plane site. How did I not remember this? Better yet, How did I not remember
